Mother _______

Monday, September 10, 2007

Mother ______ Current mood: annoyed Category: Life So, let me first say thanks for taking your time to read this. Second, let me say this is a true story without the Identity of others changed to protect their pathetic asses. It all starts when during a frantic errand, I had to stop by the UPS store to ship back a pair of shoes that didn't fit. (Shopping online may or may not be addressed @ a later date, what was I thinking.) I enter the store and find myself number three in line. My package has a pre-paid label attached and is ready to just be dropped off but alas I need a GD receipt. As I am standing in line a lady enters, and I use this term LOOSELY. With her are three children, a four year old, five year old & an infant in a stroller. As we wait for the little deaf man in front of me to recap his tour in the Korean war where he met his beautiful wife Melan, I look over to see the two elder children spinning around the stroller while playing tug-a-war with the handles. This leaves the stroller @ a 45' angle and the infant folded like a Taco around the wafer thin belt that is barely keeping baby from kissing carpet @ a rate of speed. Meanwhile I am listening to the"MOTHER" chat on her phone about latest Wal-Mart purchase, when I hear her say "What are you staring at"? I close my jaw and turn my head back to the counter. Mr, Smith is still chattin away while his packages are being wrapped and processed. A few minutes later I look over to see the Heathens taking labels from the supply display and running around sticking them on the store windows, carpet, baby brother's head. Mom catches me staring again and say "Seriously, Stop $%^$%^ staring". Now, I am not one to tell someone else how they should do something unless asked, or have I ever found myself not avoiding a conflict at any cost. But I shit you not, like I was having an out of body experience. Here is what came out of my mouth: "Put down the Effin phone and be a God Damned mother" to which she says " Excuse me"? And next flies out "Your white trash ass will have plenty of time to talk to your girlfriend about Days of our lives when you get back to the trailer park with your bag of Wal-Mart groceries and fortified twist top wine that you no doubt purchased with a welfare check. She grabbed the kids quicker than a cat can lick it's ass and left. I turn back to the counter where the clerk is doubled over in laughter and Mr. Smith shuffling past with a vacant look on his face. I then said to the clerk "I don't know why she left, do you think it was something I said"? She managed to squeak out a thank you as I handed her my package. I now feel awful about insulting this poor woman who clearly just needed Calgon to take her away. But I was raised in a much different way. If that was me acting like that in public my Mother would have shot me the glance that assured me that I was indeed going to get my hide tanned just as soon we got home. I would have snapped to attention just for the mere hope that if I behaved from that point on the beating might not be as bad. In reality if she would have just given her kids the same attention that she was giving her phone she might have avoided the embarrasssssssment. Currently listening: Hair of the Dog By Nazareth Release date: 25 October, 1990