Wednesday, October 27, 2010

You can in fact pick your Family.



Two, what seem to be very short years ago I moved to Denver to follow love. If I told myself ten years ago that I would not only leave the small town I grew up in but I would move 1500 miles from it I would have committed myself. I grew up knowing people from kindergarten through High School. And usually ended up in their weddings. When I moved off of the Island to the mainland in my twenties it was a culture shock. You could go to the store without seeing people that changed your diaper or your parent's. And people didn't seem to have the same close bond, they were fragmented. I made new friends but they just weren't the same and I wrote it off to the fact that people didn't grow up in a test tube like I had. I kept going back to the Rock and the good friends that had been my life for decades thinking it would never change and it doesn't get much better.

Besides my love I found something else in Denver, I found an Amazing Stepdaughter, Stepsister and Mother in law. I found a group of friends that are more like family than friends much like what I had grown up with but so much different. I found that outside the fishbowl that I grew up in there was huge beautiful world to explore and lessons to learn and new Family to meet. And best of all I found myself.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Bigotry is alive and well.


I grew up in a small community as obese gay boy of bipolar Mother and Vietnam Vet. At the age of thirteen I spent my first of six summers as a commercial fisherman. My senior year of high school I lost one of my best friends in a car accident. I entered the automotive field the following year. I have been teased, mocked, harassed, I have laughed and I have cried. I am no stranger to conflict, ignorance, intolerance or the general perception of what a "Man" is or is supposed to be or not be. All of these things have shaped who I am today and wouldn't change a single thing!

At this point in my life some see me as jaded, callused or guarded. Some get the pleasure of dealing with the other me. If you are the first to come up with the fat joke or have the best one, the person who tries to get your goat has already lost because your joke is better. If a coworker calls you a "dumb fag" but you are always the one who has the answer they need, you win because you are smarter than them. If anyone tries to put you down but you can cut them deeper with your tongue or make the crowd laugh at them they become insignificant. So I thought. As I get older I have learned that all of these "rules" have only insulated me from life and keep people at a distance that prevents you from truly living life.

The last two years I have made considerable changes and I have grown because of them. One of the major changes was the decision to stop living in the closet. I was teased for being a fag at a job once long before I knew I was gay. Years later I watched a coworker get laid off after rumors circled that he was gay. The fact is that I work in an industry filled with straight men. And as far as we have come on the subject, there is still a vain of insecurity and intolerance beating in our workforce.

There are currently six people at my job that I am open with. And none of them care, they don't see me any differently or I no longer care if they do. I never realized how much energy it took to put up a front or how great it can be to have real friends at work. Which brings me to today.

All of the customer's keys are kept in a cupboard next to my boss's office door. As I reached to open the cupboard door my boss asked me through the open door if I had a Girlfriend. I walked into his office with a puzzled look hung on my face. "No, Why"? He said that he always sees me on the phone early in the morning and thought it might be a Girl. Without any thought I responded " I'm Gay so that would make it My Boyfriend". Now, I need to stop and say this. If you know me at all then You know I have a certain sense of humor and a knack for delivering shocking bullshit with a straight face. And on literally five occasions of coming out to someone they thought I was kidding and I had to convince them that I was in fact being "straight" with them. Well, my boss's reaction was "No, your not gay your from Seattle". Me, "Because all homosexuals are from San Francisco"? Boss, "Yes, and then spread East". Me, "Like the Plague"? Boss, "Yup".

In that moment I had no words. I kept trying to read him to see if he was serious. I started to rationalize that I had put those words in his mouth. But he didn't disagree. He didn't laugh. I turned on my heels and walked out of his office. I called my partner and told him the story still in shock and disbelief. The rest of the day I kept bouncing from the verge of tears to rage and back again. I recalled the numerous times that he had referred to difficult customer as "That Faggot" or the girl who he didn't hire because when he asked her why she looked like a boy she said it was because she liked Vagina. From the beginning I though he was a douche but now I am loading him in the the right winged bus with Ann Coulter and the Fox News staff to be driven off a cliff.

I guess I only have myself to blame, I have done such a good job not being myself that people will let their true colors show? Unfortunately if I had been open from the beginning I wouldn't have this job or this great lesson of life.

I can not change what people think of me, I can only continue to grow into the person that I am and try to learn tolerance along the way. In the words of the great Flavor of Love contestant Saaphyri, "Lord give me strength not to beat this Bitch's Ass".

Has anyone seen Lip Chap?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wood

Hi! So it has been 11 months apparently since my last blog. I am not sure if it was the whole sidetracked by life thing or that I just didn't feel like I had anything witty to say. At some point the draw to blog was gain fame. And then I realized that there was five or so of you that tolerate my misspelled poor form of humor and generally tilted view of things. But to my five adoring fans and loving Husbear I promise to write you all into my will.

Felling the need to entertain myself and all y'all I asked a question of 25 or so people today. That question has been haunting me on and off for years now and I feel that it is time to put it to bed. Well that and the fact that it was really slow at work today and I had no intention of mentally participating in our technician meeting today. The question in question is: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Now I understand that this was not intended to be a riddle as much as a rhyme and is most likely just a rhetorical question designed to be a conversation starter. But what if it is really a riddle to be solved? Having the interwebs in my pocket I Googled this very question and the first thing that I found out was that a woodchuck and a groundhog are the same thing. See, I thought the same thing........bullshrimp! Why would there be two separate names for the same furry pelt. Go ahead, do your own research I will wait. Marmota monax is known as the groundhog, woodchuck and landbeaver. Dont say I never taught you anything.

Anyhow I received a dozen "A woodchuck could chuck........", Two "Assloads" and a few other random guesses. The closest being 100 lbs submited by a Graduate of the Colorado school of Mines. My favorite answer was "Personally I can chuck about 7 inches. After that there's a little gagging".

Not felling like I had a solid answer and figuring that someone somewhere had been paid by our government to figure this exact thing out I turned once again to Google. Questions were raised by some as to the woodchuck's desire to chuck wood, the density of said wood, his need to chuck the wood and his ability to chuck wood. But then like a beacon of truth in the fog there it was.

The amount of wood that woodchucks would chuck on a given day varies greatly with the individual woodchuck. According to a Wall Street Journal article, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas found that a woodchuck could chuck around 35 cubic feet of dirt in the course of digging a burrow. Thomas reasoned that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would chuck an amount equal to 700 pounds.

I am now content and will sleep in peace knowing that if a woodchuck can chuck 700 lbs of wood then I can write another blog, stay on a diet and go back to the gym.