McCrapalatte

So I have lived in Denver for a little over four months now and there are a few things that are different from Seattle. There is the schizophrenic weather. Being 70 degrees for a few days then dropping into the teens and snowing only to return to sunny and 60 the middle of winter is just plain disturbing. Not that I miss months of straight grey and wet.

There is the lack of trees and water….Eastern Washington like.

But the one that brings all this writing purpose is Coffee. Something I took for complete granted in the Evergreen State, is the fact that every three blocks no matter where you are you can find a drive up coffee stand with a decent cup of Joe or any other steamy brew you choose. Not in Denver. I’m not sure if it is against the law or if people out here are just High on life or the lack of oxygen but they just don’t seemed hooked on the witch’s brew. They don’t even seem to know what Chai is. To drive up and get coffee takes planning or settling. There is one drive up Starbuck’s within 10 miles of my home. Not that Starbuck’s is good coffee, but it is consistent. You can get the same bitter over roasted brew at any of them. And they are proud of it. Five dollars for a large/venti whatever the fuck you wanna call it. So this leaves me with CrackDonalds. The golden arches will serve you up a similar cup of steamed milk n caffeine for half the price. Unfortunately they also have other temptations that will be the topic of another blog.

So I am hooked on amongst other things McDonald’s Café beverages. Cause I’m Lazy. The problem lies with the fact that I attract a strange breed of worker @ the drive-through. There are three Golden Arches between home and work. I had to stop going to the first one because the girl who is always working has a crush on me. Flattering you would think except all of the enamel is rotting off of her teeth and she likes to wear plastic pearls and a “Hello Kitty” button on her shirt. One day she commented on how I must be rich. I can only assume because I have all of my teeth and I keep my car clean. The other problem is the beverage girl that always hands me my drink says “Here is your McCafe Latte hot like you like it”........I shit you not.

So onto Arch number two. The operator of this drive up window rotates his accents between Scottish and Russian. Yep. One day it’s “Top o the morning to you” the next is a phony ass broken English early James Bond enemy dialectic. Weird!

So I tried the Dark Arch #3. As I pulled up to the loudspeaker I see what appears to be a baby diaper smeared across the menu board. No Poo Poo platter for me. As I drove off without my coffee I saw a gaggle of Latino women with Sharpie eyebrows hexing me from the drive up, I started to think the universe is trying to tell me something.