I grew up in a small community as obese gay boy of bipolar Mother and Vietnam Vet. At the age of thirteen I spent my first of six summers as a commercial fisherman. My senior year of high school I lost one of my best friends in a car accident. I entered the automotive field the following year. I have been teased, mocked, harassed, I have laughed and I have cried. I am no stranger to conflict, ignorance, intolerance or the general perception of what a "Man" is or is supposed to be or not be. All of these things have shaped who I am today and wouldn't change a single thing!
At this point in my life some see me as jaded, callused or guarded. Some get the pleasure of dealing with the other me. If you are the first to come up with the fat joke or have the best one, the person who tries to get your goat has already lost because your joke is better. If a coworker calls you a "dumb fag" but you are always the one who has the answer they need, you win because you are smarter than them. If anyone tries to put you down but you can cut them deeper with your tongue or make the crowd laugh at them they become insignificant. So I thought. As I get older I have learned that all of these "rules" have only insulated me from life and keep people at a distance that prevents you from truly living life.
The last two years I have made considerable changes and I have grown because of them. One of the major changes was the decision to stop living in the closet. I was teased for being a fag at a job once long before I knew I was gay. Years later I watched a coworker get laid off after rumors circled that he was gay. The fact is that I work in an industry filled with straight men. And as far as we have come on the subject, there is still a vain of insecurity and intolerance beating in our workforce.
There are currently six people at my job that I am open with. And none of them care, they don't see me any differently or I no longer care if they do. I never realized how much energy it took to put up a front or how great it can be to have real friends at work. Which brings me to today.
All of the customer's keys are kept in a cupboard next to my boss's office door. As I reached to open the cupboard door my boss asked me through the open door if I had a Girlfriend. I walked into his office with a puzzled look hung on my face. "No, Why"? He said that he always sees me on the phone early in the morning and thought it might be a Girl. Without any thought I responded " I'm Gay so that would make it My Boyfriend". Now, I need to stop and say this. If you know me at all then You know I have a certain sense of humor and a knack for delivering shocking bullshit with a straight face. And on literally five occasions of coming out to someone they thought I was kidding and I had to convince them that I was in fact being "straight" with them. Well, my boss's reaction was "No, your not gay your from Seattle". Me, "Because all homosexuals are from San Francisco"? Boss, "Yes, and then spread East". Me, "Like the Plague"? Boss, "Yup".
In that moment I had no words. I kept trying to read him to see if he was serious. I started to rationalize that I had put those words in his mouth. But he didn't disagree. He didn't laugh. I turned on my heels and walked out of his office. I called my partner and told him the story still in shock and disbelief. The rest of the day I kept bouncing from the verge of tears to rage and back again. I recalled the numerous times that he had referred to difficult customer as "That Faggot" or the girl who he didn't hire because when he asked her why she looked like a boy she said it was because she liked Vagina. From the beginning I though he was a douche but now I am loading him in the the right winged bus with Ann Coulter and the Fox News staff to be driven off a cliff.
I guess I only have myself to blame, I have done such a good job not being myself that people will let their true colors show? Unfortunately if I had been open from the beginning I wouldn't have this job or this great lesson of life.
I can not change what people think of me, I can only continue to grow into the person that I am and try to learn tolerance along the way. In the words of the great Flavor of Love contestant Saaphyri, "Lord give me strength not to beat this Bitch's Ass".
Has anyone seen Lip Chap?
