.2.0

I suppose only time itself has the blessing of knowing if feelings are facts. My last blog post is back to haunt me, and I am unsure if it is my perspective or feelings that have changed. 

I never stopped thinking about him. A decision was made based on logic that it would end in tears. So I walked away with no regard to the wake my actions would cause. I didn't realize that he had actually fallen in love. Blinded by my rebound and typically selfish disposition I didn't see it. His awful behavior was a reaction to my cold turning away. 

A second chance? Curiosity of an unfinished story? A Gift? 

Have you ever been pulled toward something so hard that it defies logic, reason and every red light and warning?

At what point do you call it love? 

Literally every moment I am thinking about him. Seconds after I say goodbye I miss him.  

 

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Have you ever danced with devil, well slept with him? Sure it was epic pleasure. But you knew that just as fast and as furious as the fire started that the ending might be equally tragic. So you walk away. He calls you every bad name in the book and even wishes cancer upon you... But you never stop thinking about him. 

Glass House

Nobody likes moving, but I have never had the experience of being in a house that is for sale. It is a strange feeling for sure. All of your belongings and personality must be removed from your living space so that the potential buyer can see your soace as theirs. I get it, my greek wrestling painting may offend some, just tell yourself they are playing leapfrog. This morning I was late for work because I couldn't find where I hid my toothbrush and deodorant. This house needs to go under contract so I can put my beanbag back in the living room an stop making the bed. 😈

Hindsight

I rarely think before acting. I mean, I think about the potential bennefits but I never really dwell on the potential negative. It gives the freedom of new expierience and perspective, but it also makes me wholy unstable. Entertaining but constantly in Flux.

Hitchhiker's Guide

Everytime I taste chocolate milk it reminds me of spring day in my teenage years. The day Gary Lynn threw chocolate milk at my car for not picking him up hitchhicking. Gary was one of local characters, a well loved schizophrenic that meant no actual harm.  He lived with his parents until he passed in his early forties. Gary made money by roaming the Island trimming trees, but he didn't have a car. So Gary would hitchhike around the island with his chainsaw or ax.  Besides being woefully intimidating looking, the truth is I never stopped to pick him up for fear he might get chainsaw oil on my oarnge crushed velour seats.

Weird Science

I have come to believe that each of us is an Atom. We being the nucleus and our family (chosen or blood) are the protons that make up our core. Circling the core are the electrons (friends) in multiple rings. Those electrons are drawn towards us for some reson unknown to us but for a purpose. When this nee electron is drawn toward us we and them are changed. Sometimes it brings stabilty and a positive metamorphosis. Othertimes it displaces or we shed an electron, also changing what we are. 

It doesn't always feel like a positive change, nor is it necessarily permanent. 

Amanda

While perusing through untouched phone apps I stumbled across my blogger app and realized i had a saved draft from over a year ago I had never published. I released it out into the blogger sphere with all of it's irrelevance intact. 

Janet is long gone, another mistress of the orient has came and left and I am back behind the wheel of Korea in the guise of a white Soul. It is my second, the first I dumped because it represented a larger failure or lesson that needed to be learned and after the dust settled I missed it. Enter "Amanda" she is everything I loved about the first Soul sans all the annoying bits.